Tonight's post is brought to you courtesy of two men that I have seriously grown to love over the last year and a half and the conversations I had with them today.
See if you have been reading along you already know that there is a guy that I care deeply about. Over the last few weeks he's be the first and last thing on my mind. I won't say that I'm in love with him but I do love him. I love him enough that the many quirks that are him fail to bother me. I think he's such an incredible guy with such noble qualities. When I am with him, I don't worry. I'm not a participant in the dating game. I am just me. No matter what condition or state of being I am in when I'm with him it's always accepted and welcomed with loving arms. One can become very spoiled by this. But there's so much more; he's also handsome, has a huge heart, family motivated, passionate about his career, and a hard worker. He sets his mind on goals and he makes them happen. These are all amazing qualities and I only want to give him the best life has to offer. He's deserving of good and I'd want nothing more than to be that person to give it to him.
But... yes there is of course a but to this story... but over the last few days I've realized he just doesn't feel the same. This is not to say that he doesn't care about me. He does but I just think our investment levels are different. Our agreement to take time to figure us out has mainly been me trying to figure us out. One day this week I jokingly asked if I could keep him and he replied, "that remains to be be decided." I'm sure he thought that was a joke but to me it was a clear indication of where I stood. That was a weighted statement in a lighthearted moment and it hurt. And today hurt more.
This afternoon he reached out to me and we exchanged a few pleasant texts. I then asked when we were meeting up. See I had been promised time during his vacation so I waited patiently for two weeks before trying to meet up with him again. He then rattled off all the days of the week in which he was busy and offered me the leftovers. So I replied that apparently patience didn't work to my benefit. His reply mentioned that he didn't want his staycation to be all about staying home like his last one was. But he missed the part where his comment made me feel less than important. I shouldn't be his first priority but with the promise of part of his vacation I thought I'd at least be in the know that it started. It sucks to know I was the last to be given time. I wasn't event important enough for him to ask me when we were getting together; I had to ask.
I'm not sure why I'm surprised. Though we agreed to see things out, we did so knowing two facts: he was not ready to be in a relationship and I am not able to just be his friend. I just didn't think that seeing things through meant in someways chasing him or being strung along. And that's what it feels like lately. I love him dearly. I would love for us to give us a try but that requires both of us, not just me. So reality is finally setting in and we rode this out as long as we could. I love me too much to expose myself to too much more of this. I truly and sincerely hope that he finds someone that will give him the world and that she will be someone that he in turn wants to give the world to as well. I hope I find someone that one day will make me feel as great as time with him did but with the intention of making me feel that way always.
But I said this blog was about two men and you've only heard about one.
Some time last year this guy randomly attached himself to me. We are part of the same organization and for some reason in December we went from two folks that said hi when at the same place to people that text daily. I totally could not figure out what his deal was and why he insisted on us being friends. You know that old saying that men and women can't just be friends so for a while I really tried to figure out if he liked me, did I liked him, and what exactly changed to make us constantly contact each other.
As we approach this upcoming December he has proven to be a great guy, a huge ally, and an amazing friend. His persistence in getting to know me and ask questions has created a bond of sorts. When I was struggling to cope with my new financial situation I realized how important he has become to me. He offered me an ear and a financial gift, not a loan. Prideful me rejected the offer but as kind as some friends have been few have offered that kind of help. Most want to give me unsolicited advice or review my resume; neither of which are particularly helpful and are often times hurtful. But the way he offered let me know that it wasn't a handout, it was a kind gesture from one friend to another that I have often made to others in my life. Few have ever offered in a similar fashion.
So tonight I texted him what I thought about the gentleman mentioned above. And unlike my other guy friends that would just say, "his lost" and change topics, he inquired why I felt as I did. So I explained the last few interactions. He then concurred stating that if a guy is really interested in you he'll make time for you. Though I'm a bit emotional tonight, I appreciated the answer from a guy's prospective. He didn't dismiss my thoughts or feelings and he gave me honest feedback. He didn't humor me or dismiss me and told me the truth even though it could be hurtful. He's done this with other sensitive topics as well and its appreciated.
As much as I pick fights with him about the things he does that irritates me, his friendship has really been a gift in this last year. He's super busy these days with his career so contact is not as frequent as it once was but I know that I can rely on him and I look forward to this friendship expanding as the years go by. I hope I can return the favor as well. It's not frequent that people as cool as him enter your life and I write this post to him as a token of appreciation for the many conversations we have had including the ones that were less than pleasant. I hope he knows after reading this how much I appreciate him.
In conclusion...
There is no real button or bow to put on this blog. My heart hurts knowing that I will not be loved in the way that I'd prefer from someone I love. But my heart is full of joy and appreciation for this dear friend that I'm quickly adding to my inner circle of friends. And I think if they both read this blog they will both know just how loved they are by me. And if there's one thing I learned today from my aunt who is gravely ill, it's so important to tell those that you love that you love them while you have the time. While the blog started out being dedicated to two men that I truly love, it's really about how key it is to express your love and appreciation for others! It may or may not ever be reciprocated but hopefully it will be appreciated.
See if you have been reading along you already know that there is a guy that I care deeply about. Over the last few weeks he's be the first and last thing on my mind. I won't say that I'm in love with him but I do love him. I love him enough that the many quirks that are him fail to bother me. I think he's such an incredible guy with such noble qualities. When I am with him, I don't worry. I'm not a participant in the dating game. I am just me. No matter what condition or state of being I am in when I'm with him it's always accepted and welcomed with loving arms. One can become very spoiled by this. But there's so much more; he's also handsome, has a huge heart, family motivated, passionate about his career, and a hard worker. He sets his mind on goals and he makes them happen. These are all amazing qualities and I only want to give him the best life has to offer. He's deserving of good and I'd want nothing more than to be that person to give it to him.
But... yes there is of course a but to this story... but over the last few days I've realized he just doesn't feel the same. This is not to say that he doesn't care about me. He does but I just think our investment levels are different. Our agreement to take time to figure us out has mainly been me trying to figure us out. One day this week I jokingly asked if I could keep him and he replied, "that remains to be be decided." I'm sure he thought that was a joke but to me it was a clear indication of where I stood. That was a weighted statement in a lighthearted moment and it hurt. And today hurt more.
This afternoon he reached out to me and we exchanged a few pleasant texts. I then asked when we were meeting up. See I had been promised time during his vacation so I waited patiently for two weeks before trying to meet up with him again. He then rattled off all the days of the week in which he was busy and offered me the leftovers. So I replied that apparently patience didn't work to my benefit. His reply mentioned that he didn't want his staycation to be all about staying home like his last one was. But he missed the part where his comment made me feel less than important. I shouldn't be his first priority but with the promise of part of his vacation I thought I'd at least be in the know that it started. It sucks to know I was the last to be given time. I wasn't event important enough for him to ask me when we were getting together; I had to ask.
I'm not sure why I'm surprised. Though we agreed to see things out, we did so knowing two facts: he was not ready to be in a relationship and I am not able to just be his friend. I just didn't think that seeing things through meant in someways chasing him or being strung along. And that's what it feels like lately. I love him dearly. I would love for us to give us a try but that requires both of us, not just me. So reality is finally setting in and we rode this out as long as we could. I love me too much to expose myself to too much more of this. I truly and sincerely hope that he finds someone that will give him the world and that she will be someone that he in turn wants to give the world to as well. I hope I find someone that one day will make me feel as great as time with him did but with the intention of making me feel that way always.
But I said this blog was about two men and you've only heard about one.
Some time last year this guy randomly attached himself to me. We are part of the same organization and for some reason in December we went from two folks that said hi when at the same place to people that text daily. I totally could not figure out what his deal was and why he insisted on us being friends. You know that old saying that men and women can't just be friends so for a while I really tried to figure out if he liked me, did I liked him, and what exactly changed to make us constantly contact each other.
As we approach this upcoming December he has proven to be a great guy, a huge ally, and an amazing friend. His persistence in getting to know me and ask questions has created a bond of sorts. When I was struggling to cope with my new financial situation I realized how important he has become to me. He offered me an ear and a financial gift, not a loan. Prideful me rejected the offer but as kind as some friends have been few have offered that kind of help. Most want to give me unsolicited advice or review my resume; neither of which are particularly helpful and are often times hurtful. But the way he offered let me know that it wasn't a handout, it was a kind gesture from one friend to another that I have often made to others in my life. Few have ever offered in a similar fashion.
So tonight I texted him what I thought about the gentleman mentioned above. And unlike my other guy friends that would just say, "his lost" and change topics, he inquired why I felt as I did. So I explained the last few interactions. He then concurred stating that if a guy is really interested in you he'll make time for you. Though I'm a bit emotional tonight, I appreciated the answer from a guy's prospective. He didn't dismiss my thoughts or feelings and he gave me honest feedback. He didn't humor me or dismiss me and told me the truth even though it could be hurtful. He's done this with other sensitive topics as well and its appreciated.
As much as I pick fights with him about the things he does that irritates me, his friendship has really been a gift in this last year. He's super busy these days with his career so contact is not as frequent as it once was but I know that I can rely on him and I look forward to this friendship expanding as the years go by. I hope I can return the favor as well. It's not frequent that people as cool as him enter your life and I write this post to him as a token of appreciation for the many conversations we have had including the ones that were less than pleasant. I hope he knows after reading this how much I appreciate him.
In conclusion...
There is no real button or bow to put on this blog. My heart hurts knowing that I will not be loved in the way that I'd prefer from someone I love. But my heart is full of joy and appreciation for this dear friend that I'm quickly adding to my inner circle of friends. And I think if they both read this blog they will both know just how loved they are by me. And if there's one thing I learned today from my aunt who is gravely ill, it's so important to tell those that you love that you love them while you have the time. While the blog started out being dedicated to two men that I truly love, it's really about how key it is to express your love and appreciation for others! It may or may not ever be reciprocated but hopefully it will be appreciated.
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