Mentorship Moments

Like most folks, I have a slightly fractured extended extended family. Somewhere along the way in either my grandparent's generation or my parents', the family managed to splinter a bit. And so my group has been left to pick up the pieces and put it back together. I have become the self appointed keeper of the files. This has, at times, put me in awkward positions but it has also allowed me to have an experience that I didn't have as the baby of my household. I've gotten to play big sibling of sorts to my younger family members.

For instance, I have a male cousin that is approximately 10 years my junior. And like many young men raised in a big city, he has had a hard go of it. Because he is a black male, he spent his formative years praying just to see 18.  The problem with living only for 18 is that he has no plan for 20 and greater. These days he finds himself in a constant struggle between childish ways and his hopes to reach his potential without any direction as to how to get from point A to point B.

This is where I come in. I have offered to help to get him into college and I have offered to help him find a career path. What I won't do is drag him or push him through life, he has got to take the reigns. Our typical interactions are as follows:
     He reaches out and tells me what he wants.
     I give him next steps.
     He ignores my advice and does his own and very different thing.
He's never followed any of my next steps but he has thanked me for listening to him and for not thinking that his ideas are far fetched. He's never really had that before. And when I saw a more personal cry for help on Facebook the other day, I took the initiative to call and listen further. I've also recently, unbeknownst to him, advocated on his behalf with another family member. See being a big cousin/mentor doesn't mean you'll be listened to. Nor does it mean holding someone's hand all the time but it does mean listening, supporting, encouraging, and at times defending them. Even if they do not know all that you've done for them behind the scenes..

I have another new cousin as well. She instant messages me rather frequently. She usually wants to talk about her boyfriend. She too never listens to my advice but I try constantly to plant little seeds of wisdom. See she recently graduated HS and leading up to the big day, I'd often ask what her future plans were. Was she planning on attending college? What kind of work/career was she interested in? She was usually unresponsive but it was so happy when she mentioned she was enrolled in college. She is very love oriented so I often ask her about other things just to get her to realize that life is about so much more. This week she asked me a huge question. She wanted to know if she should tattoo her boyfriend's name on her body. I said no and gave examples as to why that might be a bad idea. She seemed determined to do it anyway so I simply suggested that she wait until she was married. Essentially, she should hold out on that idea until "forever" has been more solidified. Later in the week we talked about Obama and voting. I was happy to hear that she wanted to watch the debate and that even though her boyfriend would not be voting she would be. With this cousin, I try very hard to not past judgement and I just meet her where she is and plant a few seeds of wisdom in between the talks about her boyfriend.

In addition to trying to provide an ear and guidance to my new younger family members I am also a mentor. I mentor three young ladies in college. My newest mentee has been the hardest to pin down. For every three emails I send, I get one in response, but this week she actually treated me like a mentor and asked me a question. She wanted to know what factors she should consider when declaring her major and of course I was stumped. In this tenuous economy the answer isn't as clear cut but 5 paragraphs later I simply said study what you love, what you are good at, intern all you can and if you are good at the science tech stuff even better!

And while I've only spoken about the guidance I've provided, we mentors aren't without our own needs for mentors. My mentor was also my elementary school teacher. She has left the classroom and is now exactly where I'd like to be but I'm years and years behind her even though she's only 11 years my senior. Yesterday I sent a personal email to my inner circle. And though she has been less than mentor like recently, I included her in the email. My hope is that she would see my plea for help and throw me a life jacket or at least toss me a rope; she did. We will meet soon to share trade secrets and as I climb my latter to success you best believe I will share those and more to those on rungs below mine.

I heard the best statement in a meeting this year. Your goal in life should be to be the footnote in the life of another. Whether its a family member, a friend, a neighborhood kid, a new younger colleague/employee, I challenge you to pass it on.  Bill Gates has admittedly left a huge legacy with his Microsoft innovations but the legacy that will never die is the many lives his foundation and philanthropic efforts will impact. So whose footnote will you be? And to those that received a hand up from someone ahead in the race but sure to thank them. Take a moment and thank them for the encouragement and support they've provided and then thank them by passing it on! It's the only way will we all really progress.